summerfest

Milwaukee

need I say more?

walked around drank Miller Lite

because it's Milwaukee!!!

cheep beer

found this cute stage on the path behind all the "big" stages while looking for a place to sit and eat my veggie egg roll:) it was quite an experience.

and than ofcourse the event I came down to see: OAR boy were they awesome!!!!

Death

creeps in
ominous, hurting those that stay
death
a relief for some

some waste this life we are given
take it away with their own hand
and some hang on so hard
fight the inevitable end
stare into those hollow eyes
and fight back

a hard week
a passing friend emptying his heart
about a suicide

a friend, mentor
passing away
her body giving in
to the cancer she has fought so hard

two different people
one fighting to the end
loving each minute of her time
on this earth
and the other, *sigh*

still death came either way
for both
I hope I make my peace with it
and that before I leave this earth
I live my life to the fullest

Good bye Anne R.
you'll be missed

I feel so small

went for a walk on the beach yesterday, long one went to all my favorite places as the weather was deciding what to do with itself. Just like me....It was fogy, it was warm and stuffy and just kind of weird. One of these days I have to walk out of the fog but till then I'll just share the pics I took.

choices, we all make choices in life and have to live with them

for the rest of our lives

I guess I can't save all my friends from bad choices, decisions we make in the wee hours, with alcohol somewhat impairing our minds. Mine was just tired impaired by long hours of working, no sleep and the thing I admitted to him a few days earlier. I thought I had dreamed that maybe I didn't say it out laud. But on that Thursday night as I could hear him toss and turn on my couch I snuck over and asked: what did I say? It was a whisper in his ear. He turned gave me a hug and just said you said you cared a lot about me...do you?

Naah, I get up out of bed in the middle of night and bail people out just because I'm such a caring soul:) Shoot man of course I care.Flake. That's what friends are for, right?

Maybe he wouldn't come and do the same for me, at this point I would have probably stayed where I was given the same choice but I'm living a different life, I'm making different choices.

The beer has somehow not tasted good since than, this metalic bitter taste in my mouth lingering, I walk over to the bar and trade my Spotted Cow for a cold Coca Cola.

I'm in love
in love with an idea of a man
so sad
I spilled a river of tears
onto my phone last night
and he listened
soothed
and wished me good night
I have friends
I do
ironic that sounds
like I have to prove it
to myself
say it loud
so it's clear to me
I've locked up myself
in this tower
and there is no way out
just a few sky high windows
I don't need others to criticize me
I do that so well on my own
I'm in love with an idea of a man
is it really sad to know what you want?
naahhh

watching TV
Black Hawk Down is on
flashbacks
should stop watching but I'm glued
to the screen
funny but so real

promises blown away
sad death on the road
three as a matter of fact
stay positive don't look that way
focus
fuck
how do people do that?

I wanna be that person
that believes
anything is possible
friendship after
a war of emotions
peace after war
with real guns
healing after being wounded
does that ever happen?

so much disappointment in this world
I wipe my tears of my keyboard
some people are not worth crying over
and so many are

but what about those three dead strangers
dead, in the middle of a busy N41 Highway
what about the promises they made today?
Some promises I guess are meant to be
just that empty
left on the side of the N41 Highway

I don't think I've had this much fun just talking in just talking in a very long time. You made me pee my pants, I just didn't wanna admit it:)
thanks

My new job has taken over my life. What ever my life was.Seams that most of friends have abandoned me since I don't work at the same place any more, some are weary of even saying more than a hi...some are doing the congrats thing and leaving as soon as possible.He's still here, my friend...doesn't hold my hand anymore.

Maybe I don't need him too, he's moved on, I should too.

I still cry in the dark.

Lonely this world is.

I wanna be in love, or deal with my ex anything to concentrate than the fact that I don't know anything about the new job. I feel incompetent, and the harder I try the worse off I am.

That will change.I know. I am capable of learning and doing this.

Sometimes, maybe just once something can just come easy, be easy not give me a headache.

Not my life, never easy.

have to go back to work, maybe I can go to the beach latter and soak my toes in the sand?

hmmm....that should cheer me up and make me forget the rest of the world.

Maybe

hello my mistress,
my lost lover
I've been longing for you
yet I find words are not coming
the voices of the outside world fade away
as I stare into this screen
and softly click away
my reality changes
like Alice in Wonderland
anything is possible
a car parks
I can hear them fight
he drops an "F" bomb
she storms in
slams the door in his face

my back turned to the parking lot
I ignore them
ignore the outside world
nobody exists but my current mistress
I caress her
talk softly to her
my keyboard in front of me
and nothing else

My life took over, and it feels like I've been cheating on my lover *sigh*

the weekend is coming so I'll be able to catch up maybe post some of the sweet things that have been happening since last week.

Loving the new job so far a bit overwhelmed but I was expecting that, all I wanna do is sleep when I get home, is that normal?

It sure does help I feel like I'm back in my first year of college and my accounting professor is speaking in a foreign language.

But I learn fast:)